Michel Richard Citronelle

Citronelle is the recipient of numerous honors: Washingtonian’s perennial number one restaurant in the city, Gourmet Magazine’s 12th best restaurant in the country and Michel Richard was the 2007 James Beard Award winner for Outstanding Chef. However, there is one award that reigns above all the others: Citronelle tops the Monger’s Shit List. It is without peer as Washington, D.C.’s most overrated restaurant serving bad and borderline inedible cuisine in a stuffy, pretentious atmosphere. Dining there is an experience I would not wish on anyone. It's like watching Kim Kardashian get a cellulite treatment: while kinda funny and intriguing, it is ultimately disgusting.

I have reflected on Citronelle’s dining experience for a few months. I was so angry after eating there that I felt an immediate review would be a disservice to my dedicated readers. Unfortunately, a few months have not dampened my anger, and every time I think about Citronelle my entire demeanor changes. It is just a miserable place to eat a meal.

The dining room is formal and stuffy. We had a waiter with an extremely heavy French accent. I have no idea what the obsession is with waiters who speak with a foreign accent that diners cannot understand. I had the same problem at Daniel in New York City. I don’t mean to rag on people with accents; I have a heavy one myself. Dining is supposed to be fun, and waiters should contribute not detract from one’s enjoyment. Nevertheless, I will make sacrifices for great food. Unfortunately, the meal at Citronelle was anything but.

Sweetmonger and I ordered the Promenade Gourmande, and it started off promising with three small, delicious starters: an egg dish, an escargot crumble and a truffle-foie gras Napoleon. The next course was a near brilliant gazpacho that only heightened expectations for the rest of the meal. However, the meal took a drastic turn after this. The famous soft shell crab tempura tasted like fried, dried-out tofu. It was inedible, and neither Sweetmonger nor I finished the dish. Our next course was a marinated cod-fish that while at least edible was nothing more than stomach filler.

Then came the Lobster Burger. I do not exaggerate when I say that it was and remains the most glorious thing I have ever put in my mouth. Words cannot describe the transcendent experience crated by the wealth of flavor this little burger has. It is mind-blowing and absolutely wonderful. If this had been the final savory course, I would have left Citronelle satisfied.

As good as the Lobster Burger was, the entrée was a just as bad. It was the single worst thing I have ever tasted. A drastically overcooked (meaning well, well done) veal hanger steak was served with sweetbreads that were drained of all flavor. This mess was topped with a hideous morel mushroom sauce. On paper this all sounds so good, but the kitchen turned it into something of which I only took two bites.

From what I remember, the desserts were good, but I was unable to concentrate after the travesty of the entrée. Citronelle consistently ranks above CityZen, Restaurant Eve, Komi and Minibar as the best restaurant in D.C. The difference is that those restaurants play chess and Citronelle plays checkers. A restaurant charging the prices that Michel Richard does should never put out a meal worthy of less than 3 ½ cutting boards much less serve multiple inedible dishes. Thus, Citronelle tops my Shit List.

Michel Richard Citronelle
http://www.citronelledc.com/
3000 M St NW

Washington, DC 20007