Moby Dick House of Kabob

I am entering my last month in Washington, D.C., and am starting to become nostalgic for all the great things I am going to miss about the city. Last weekend I partook in two of Washington D.C.'s great treasures: the Grooming Lounge and Moby Dick House of Kabob.

The Grooming Lounge is the only place I have found in 6 years of searching that I can get a good haircut. It's not like I have difficult hair, but somehow at anywhere other than the Grooming Lounge, one of two things happen. Either they cut it way too short exposing my ever-receding hairline or I come out with a mullet. And it isn't one of those awe-inspiring Billy Ray Cyrus type mullets. I would be more than content to pay for one of those. But it's a subtle mullet that is difficult to detect and not always noticeable. When it is; however, it is maddening. Thus, finding the Grooming Lounge is one of my proudest moments. This mecca of men's hairstyling is decorated in dark wood and black leather and staffed by wonderful barbers. A great haircut, an excellent scalp and back massage and hot towels for the face: every experience here is relaxing and worth every penny.

Which leads me to another place worth every penny. Moby Dick House of Kabob is my favorite take-out restaurant in the area. The kabobs are insanely good, and it is tempting not to eat there three times a week. Either go with the chicken platter with sumac topped rice or order the delectable and succulent swordfish kabob with rice and grilled onions and tomatoes. And always get hummus with fresh pita bread. The bread is soft, yet piping hot, and the hummus is creamier than any version I have ever tried. This is one the restaurants I will miss most. I only wish an Austin outpost was in the works.



Moby Dick House of Kabob
http://www.mobysonline.com/
1070 31st. NW (and many other locations)
Washington, DC 20007

Kerbey Lane Cafe

I love brunch. I love health food. And I really love hippies. I have always wanted to be one….I just can’t seem to pull it together. But that is neither here nor there. The above being said, I was super excited when a friend mentioned this place in Austin and I googled it. It looked perfect. And by the end of our six day stay (including five mornings), we had eaten at Kerbey Lane three times. The Cafe offers your standard breakfast/brunch fare. Omelets, pancakes, breakfast sandwiches, etc. They also have a lunch and dinner menu that is seasonal and appeared delicious, but alas we didn’t have time to try it.

To make a long story short, I will say that everything the Monger and I ate was really good and satisfying. Omelets and scrambles made with fresh local produce, natural ham and sausage. Last but not least I will mention the pancakes. One day we had the whole-wheat apple pancakes. These were very hearty and really amazing. However, if you are looking for a light summer breakfast I would not suggest them. They are definitely more fall/winter fare (if that even exists in the perpetual summer of Austin). My absolute favorite thing we ate at Kerbey Lane was the peach-pecan pancakes. With chunks of ripe peaches and just enough pecans, they were almost good enough to be dessert, but not sweet enough to make you sick after a few bites. I highly recommend them. Although, Kerbey Lane changes their pancake offerings daily so they may not always be available. Oh well, all the more reason to go every morning and do some culinary investigating.

Kerbey Lane Cafe

http://www.kerbeylanecafe.com/

2700 South Lamar Blvd. (And other locations)

Austin, TX 78704

Polvos and Stubb's BBQ - Austin, Texas

Although Uchi was obviously the best restaurant we ate at in Austin, Sweetmonger and I had some very good, low-key meals elsewhere. These included a wonderful Mexican place called Polvos and the famous Stubb's BBQ in downtown Austin. Bang for the buck, these places are hard to beat as the bill with alcohol and tip never topped $35 at either.

Polvos is located in south-central Austin and is just in a building on the side of the road. It has a large outdoor seating area and the decor is pretty much your standard Mexican restaurant stuff. Chips and salsa are a little different here as Polvos operates a self-service salsa bar instead of just bringing it to the table. Sweetmonger was tasked with choosing among 3 different salsas. She chose two but we have no idea what they were. She asked another diner who simply said, "Umm . . . I'm not sure. I just come here hungry and eat. I don't ask too many questions."

Whatever Sweetmonger brought back was very good as was the queso with guacamole, onions, peppers and amazingly seasoned ground beef. For our entree, we both got the exotic taco, which is a huge flat tortilla topped with rice, cheese, grilled pineapple, pork (or your choice of meat) and Cartuja sauce (or your choice). Not really sure what the Cartuja sauce was but it was damn good. We will be returning many times to Polvos once we move to Austin.

Stubb's BBQ is an Austin institution known as much for its amphitheatre and great concerts as it is for its food. On our visit we were there to sample the food and we skipped appetizers and just ordered entrees. She got the pulled pork sandwich (I know . . . it's Texas. Beef is the norm, but what can you do? She's stubborn) with cheese spinach and potato salad, and I went with the brisket plate with cheese spinach and side salad. She really liked the sandwich and loved the cheese spinach. It along with the Tuna and goat cheese dish at Uchi was the best single thing I had while in Austin. It's very cheesy, but there is still a decent amount of spinach flavor. What sets the dish off though is the incorporation of Serrano peppers. It adds spice and a wonderful Tex-Mex aspect.

My brisket, on the other hand, was not nearly as good. It was fine and had a nice smokey flavor, but something was lacking. I also found the world-famous Stubbs BBQ sauce a little bit of a let down. Furthermore, the fact the the sides are put on the plate with an ice-cream scooper is a turn off. It reminds me of my high-school cafeteria, but the spinach is good enough that I will return over and over.

Polvos:

polvos.ypguides.net/

2004 S. 1st St.

Austin, TX 78704

Stubb's BBQ:

http://www.stubbsaustin.com/

801 Red River

Austin, TX 78701

Uchi - Austin, Texas

Sweetmonger and I spent the weekend in our future home (in 6 weeks) of Austin, Texas. Despite job interviews and apartment hunting, the most anticipated part of the trip was our Saturday night dinner at Uchi, Austin's renowned Japanese-New American fusion restaurant. The restaurant is located in a gorgeous, small house in the SoLa area of Austin. Executive Chef Tyson Cole is an American sushi master and was a 2005 Food and Wine Best New Chef. We were looking forward to a great meal.

Everything on the menu (all of which is served family style) looked amazing, but Sweetmonger and I decided that the best way to fully appreciate Uchi's cuisine was to go with the tasting menu. It started out extremely promising with a wonderful amuse, the center of which was a kiwi sorbet. This tiny dish was very intricate and I cannot remember all of its parts.

Our first course was thinly sliced flounder served with Spanish olive oil, smoked sea salt, yuzu zest and a crispy quinoa. It was a light, delicious start. This flounder was followed by a equally delicious seared scallop dish. The scallops were served with mangoes, candied oranges, a brittle and some yellow sauce that I cannot think of. The brittle offered an intriguing contrasting texture, and this dish left Sweetmonger and I extremely satisfied and wanting more. At this point, Uchi was 3 for 3

The next dish was sugar-cured, maple-wood smoked hamachi, and it was served with an Asian pear and yucca crisps that acted like spoons. Again, really good. Next came grilled mackerel with toasted sesame seeds, charred shishito and watermelon confit. I am usually a huge fan of mackerel, but I found this dish merely really good and a slight let down compared to the 4 earlier courses.

Our fifth course was near perfection. Absolutely amazing blue fin tuna came with cracked pepper, Fuji apple slices, goat cheese and pumpkin seed oil. As in the hamachi dish, the apples acted like spoons with the remaining ingredients topped on. The tuna was about as perfect in flavor and texture as anything can be and the goat cheese was smooth and wonderful. The dish was certainly one of the culinary highlights (along with the surprisingly delicious creamed spinach from Stubbs BBQ) of my visit to Austin.

Uchi followed this up with a fig-leaf wrapped halibut. It was easily the whitest and most tender piece of fish I have ever eaten. It was served with some golden raisins but that's about all I can remember.

I am at a loss remembering our next course, even after looking at its photo. All I know is that it was raw tuna served two purees, one of which was pesto based. There were no obvious flaws and it was pretty damn tasty. Not the same can be said for what we thought was our main course. Uchi gave us grilled wagyu ribeye, lightly sauteed spinach and a white peach puree. Unfortunately, this was nothing more than a good salad. The ribeye was a little over cooked and the white peach puree was subtle in flavor. As a main course (or what should have been the main), it was quite a let down. Making matters worse was that on the menu I saw what Uchi called a "bacon steakie" which is a twice cooked pork belly. I mentioned to Sweetmonger how good that sounded and how I hoped that it would be on the tasting menu. Compounding the disappointment of not getting the pork, the couple next to us did. And for a solid five minutes, all they could talk about was how amazing it was. I was jealous.

Sweetmonger and I were surprised that another savory course came our way. Seared foie gras and foie gras mousse showed up with corn and cerano peppers. This really could have been the highlight of the night. The seared foie, corn and peppers created a rich, buttery yet distinctly Mexican flavor. It was really quite amazing, but the placement and construction of the dish are hard to get over. There is absolutely no reason why seared foie should be served after wagyu beef or as the ninth course in the meal. It is just way too rich. Furthermore, for the life of me, I cannot understand why foie gras mousse was on the plate. Seared foie or foie mousse is one thing. But both? How do you expect any normal person to be able to eat that as the ninth course in the meal?

Finally, our dessert was chocolate creme sandwiched between a coconut cracker and served with a dark chocolate ice cream. It wasn't very creative but it was very good.

The food at Uchi is good and some of it is borderline exceptional. However, the progression of the meal was uneven. I felt that in the middle of the meal the kitchen was just sending out dishes without regard as to where they fit into the overall scheme of things. This was certainly the case with the foie course. 

More offending, however, was the price of the meal. The tasting menu at Uchi is priced daily and we were quoted a price at the beginning of the night. However, when the bill arrived, our waitress informed us that the chef had changed the menu in the middle (surprise surprise) of our meal and tacked on $16 to the quoted price. Sweetmonger and I were not informed of this until our bill came. Despite protests, we paid the bill and left. The extra $16 is not that much, especially on a tasting menu, but to change the price in the middle of the meal without informing the diner is extremely unprofessional and absolutely ridiculous. I contacted the general manager over this and he apologized and said it should not have happened. But that should never happen.  Even so, the food was very good but I am not willing to call it a great restaurant after one visit.

Uchi

http://www.uchiaustin.com/

801 South Lamar Blvd.

Austin, TX 78704

Michel Richard Citronelle

Citronelle is the recipient of numerous honors: Washingtonian’s perennial number one restaurant in the city, Gourmet Magazine’s 12th best restaurant in the country and Michel Richard was the 2007 James Beard Award winner for Outstanding Chef. However, there is one award that reigns above all the others: Citronelle tops the Monger’s Shit List. It is without peer as Washington, D.C.’s most overrated restaurant serving bad and borderline inedible cuisine in a stuffy, pretentious atmosphere. Dining there is an experience I would not wish on anyone. It's like watching Kim Kardashian get a cellulite treatment: while kinda funny and intriguing, it is ultimately disgusting.

I have reflected on Citronelle’s dining experience for a few months. I was so angry after eating there that I felt an immediate review would be a disservice to my dedicated readers. Unfortunately, a few months have not dampened my anger, and every time I think about Citronelle my entire demeanor changes. It is just a miserable place to eat a meal.

The dining room is formal and stuffy. We had a waiter with an extremely heavy French accent. I have no idea what the obsession is with waiters who speak with a foreign accent that diners cannot understand. I had the same problem at Daniel in New York City. I don’t mean to rag on people with accents; I have a heavy one myself. Dining is supposed to be fun, and waiters should contribute not detract from one’s enjoyment. Nevertheless, I will make sacrifices for great food. Unfortunately, the meal at Citronelle was anything but.

Sweetmonger and I ordered the Promenade Gourmande, and it started off promising with three small, delicious starters: an egg dish, an escargot crumble and a truffle-foie gras Napoleon. The next course was a near brilliant gazpacho that only heightened expectations for the rest of the meal. However, the meal took a drastic turn after this. The famous soft shell crab tempura tasted like fried, dried-out tofu. It was inedible, and neither Sweetmonger nor I finished the dish. Our next course was a marinated cod-fish that while at least edible was nothing more than stomach filler.

Then came the Lobster Burger. I do not exaggerate when I say that it was and remains the most glorious thing I have ever put in my mouth. Words cannot describe the transcendent experience crated by the wealth of flavor this little burger has. It is mind-blowing and absolutely wonderful. If this had been the final savory course, I would have left Citronelle satisfied.

As good as the Lobster Burger was, the entrée was a just as bad. It was the single worst thing I have ever tasted. A drastically overcooked (meaning well, well done) veal hanger steak was served with sweetbreads that were drained of all flavor. This mess was topped with a hideous morel mushroom sauce. On paper this all sounds so good, but the kitchen turned it into something of which I only took two bites.

From what I remember, the desserts were good, but I was unable to concentrate after the travesty of the entrée. Citronelle consistently ranks above CityZen, Restaurant Eve, Komi and Minibar as the best restaurant in D.C. The difference is that those restaurants play chess and Citronelle plays checkers. A restaurant charging the prices that Michel Richard does should never put out a meal worthy of less than 3 ½ cutting boards much less serve multiple inedible dishes. Thus, Citronelle tops my Shit List.

Michel Richard Citronelle
http://www.citronelledc.com/
3000 M St NW

Washington, DC 20007

Tackle Box

Georgetown has a few good things going for it. It has the old brick sidewalks, a great movie theatre, a couple decent bars (debatable I know but Saloon and Chadwicks at least serve as a wash for the Blue Gins of the world) and a fantastic local band (the incomparable Fallen Variant). However, for a college section of town, Georgetown is sorely lacking in the take-out department. Booeymonger and the Philadelphia Cheesesteak Factory are ok but nothing special, and the neighborhood Five Guys has to be the company’s worst run franchise. As a recent college graduate still averse to any form of cooking, the lack of decent take-out in my neighborhood has been a daily struggle.

Tackle Box is the latest contender to fill the take-out vacuum. As the name would suggest, it is primarily a seafood restaurant, and serves environmentally “sustainable” entrees off an a la carte menu. I have been to Tackle Box a few times now and have ordered their lobster roll, the fried clams roll, the crispy Pollack and the wood grilled trout. The dishes have been simple, straight forward and quite good. I have heard a few complaints from friends that the wood grilled options are bland and lacking flavor. However, this has not been my experience and they offer a variety of sauces to spice it up if your poor little palette needs some lace curtains (just kidding, I like the marinara). In addition to the main entrées, Tackle Box also offers a number of sides to complete the meal. Personally, I like the Sweet Potato fries and the mac and cheese. There is nothing unusual about these dishes but you can screw them up if you try to do too much, and Tackle Box smartly avoids this pit fall. All in all, Tackle Box is a welcome addition to local restaurants, and I’ll be stopping in frequently.

Tackle Box

tacklebox-dc.com

3245 M St NW

Washington, DC 20007

Napoleon House Bar & Cafe (New Orleans)

Every trip to New Orleans should include trying the famous local specialty sandwich called the Muffuletta. The Muffuletta is a massive sandwich consisting of capicola, salami, mortadella, emmentaler, and provolone topped with a special marinated olive salad.



The creator of the Muffuletta is the famous Central Grocery in the French Quarter. However, it was closed when we tried to visit it on a Sunday (it is also known to be extremely crowded at all times.) As a result, we took the recommendation of a local to visit Napoleon House Bar & Cafe where locals say the Muffuletta's are superior to Central Grocery's.

We arrived at 11:30am on a Sunday and there was a line. Clearly this was a popular place, although the line moved quickly and we were sitting within 5 minutes. Service was excellent throughout, the server never bothered us except when we definitely needed him, and our drinks were always filled before we needed to ask.

We started off with the cheese board (7.50) which was just an amazing array of cheeses that everyone enjoyed, along with assorted fruit and pepperoni slices. The cheese was fresh and diverse, satisfying everyone's palate.

Our Muffuletta's came next. While most others got either a quarter or half a sandwich, I opted for a full size sandwich, which is recommended for 2. This is because I was massively hung over and starving. The first bite is always the most difficult because this sandwich is so unique. The olive salad combined with the rest of the ingredients is at first very new and strange. However, after you really get into eating this sandwich, it gets more complex and tasty. I can only imagine how much deeper the flavors would have gotten if I took some of my sandwich to go and allowed the olive salad to marinate the bread.

All in all, I was extremely satisfied with my meal, and the Muffuletta lived up to the hype. Napoleon is a great local joint where the natives hang out, and is a must try for the Muffuletta's when visiting New Orleans.

3 Cutting Boards
Napoleon House Bar & Café
http://www.napoleonhouse.com/