The Monger's Going Away D.C. Dining Guide

I leave Washington, D.C., for good in one week and I wanted to give my dedicated readers something to remember me by. This list in no way seeks to present a comprehensive view of the dining scene in the nation's capital but rather simply my thoughts on some the highs and lows of D.C. restaurants.

- These restaurants always serve exceptional food and are worth a special journey. These restaurants are the equivalent of Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods, watching Star Wars or attending UVA.

There currently are no 4 cutting board restaurants in Washington, D.C.  Komi, CityZen and Restaurant Eve are close.  CityZen lacks consistency, Restaurant Eve lacks enough creativity (at least in the Bistro, the Tasting Room probably is 4 cutting boards) and Komi is just missing a little something. 4 cutting board status is hard to attain.  I personally have eaten at only three such restaurants.  3 1/2 still means it's a great restaurant and is not to be missed.

- These restaurants always serve really good and sometimes exceptional cuisine and are the equivalent of Larry Bird or watching Bill Murray movies. And if you think this is too high for Bill Murray, 3 words: What about Bob.

Komi – Greek influenced, progressive-technique enhanced cuisine. Some of the creations are as good as anything I have ever tasted: goat gyro and “Caesar salad.” It is very close to 4 cutting board status.
CityZen - The cuisine is creative, refined and very tasty.  I've had two extraordinary meals there and one good meal.  At it's best, it is D.C.'s best restaurant, but it struggles with consistency.

Restaurant Eve - A farm-to-table restaurant with a tasting room that is nothing less than an exciting, near mind-blowing culinary adventure.

Ray’s the Steaks – Prime, dry-aged, impeccably prepared beef served in a strip mall. Easily the best steak restaurant in the D.C. area.
Minibar – D.C.’s temple of molecular gastronomy and the city’s hardest reservation. No other meal in the city is as fun.

- These restaurants consistently serve really good food and are much like Tom Brady or Britney Spears gossip.

Zaytinya – Jose Andres’ Penn-Quarter mezze restaurant.
Bar Pilar – Great beer and creative cuisine in the U-Street area
Makoto – The absolute best sushi in city offering a $60 10-course omakase that occasionally can approach the city’s best meals.
Kotobuki – Great sushi at an amazing value in the building above Makoto
Ray’s Hell Burgers – The owner of the area’s best steakhouse also owns the restaurant serving the area’s best hamburgers (Sorry Spike). Prime, dry-aged beef ground daily and cooked perfectly. It doesn’t get much better than that.
Pizzeria Paradiso – D.C.'s best pizza and home of the revelatory Birreria Paradiso.
Moby Dick House of Kabob – Delicious Kabobs and Hummus. One of the city’s best take-out restaurants.
The Liberty Tavern - Clarendon neighborhood restaurant that gets better with every visit.

Guajillo - My favorite D.C. Mexican restaurant, located in the Culinary Strip Mall in Arlington (home of Ray's the Steaks, Ray's Butcher Burgers and Guajillo). Friday's cheese dip and the lamb tacos are wonderful.

- These restaurants consistently serve good food but food that rarely approaches exceptionality. Will Smith's movies and basketball career (He played under the pseudonym Big Shot Rob: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Horry) define this category.

Bistro Du Coin – Dupont French bistro serving excellent mussels and a delicious hanger steak and fries.
Café St. Ex. – A very good Barish U-Street restaurant focusing on healthy and environmentally friendly ingredients. Excellent grass-fed Hamburger with sweet-potato fries.
Central Michel Richard – Michel Richard’s overrated, but still very good, downtown bistro. The fried chicken and pig’s feet are always satisfying.
Thaiphoon – D.C.’s best Thai restaurant, located in Dupont Circle
Sushi-Ko – A very good sushi restaurant, but more upscale and expensive than Kotobuki.
Acadiana – Upscale Southern cooking done right.
Bistro Bis – High quality French bistro on Capitol Hill.
Café Atlantico – Inventive Latino cuisine which offers near mind-blowing guacamole.
BlackSalt – Palisades seafood emporium and fish market.
Bistro Lepic & Wine Bar – Extremely satisfying classic French restaurant in upper-Georgetown. The cassoulet is an excellent winter dish.
Cashion’s Eat Place – Very good, playful food in Adams Morgan.

- These restaurants often serve food that tastes good, nothing more, nothing less. They could easily be compared to movies (especially recent movies) starring Will Ferrell.

Hook – Popular Georgetown fish house. The food is hit and miss.
Chef Geoff’s – Popular D.C. neighborhood restaurant attempting creative cooking.
Palena Café – Great Burger, long waits.
Bangkok Bistro – Very good Thai in Georgetown.
BLT Steak – The steaks are good (not great) and way over-priced. The atmosphere is fun though.
Basil Thai – Easy and good take-out Thai in Georgetown
Bambu – See above but in Palisades
Listrani’s – A great place for take out pizza in Palisades

- These restaurants serve food that is sometimes tasty but usually is merely passable. One could say they are the Kim Kardashian of eateries.

Michel Richard Citronelle – Washington, D.C.’s most overrated restaurant, but with the city’s single best dish: the Lobster Burger
Corduroy – The fact that this restaurant has a devoted “foodie” following is simply a sad commentary on that state of D.C. foodie culture.

- These restaurants serve food that is edible only if you are in dire need of sustenance. They are like listening to celebrities who act important and discuss political issues that they know nothing about. I.E. The cheerleader from Heroes putting Hillary Clinton on notice that she was waiting to talk to her before endorsing anyone. I'm sure Hillary was all over that one.

Blue Duck Tavern – Poorly prepared cuisine in an atmosphere that tries way too hard to be hip and trendy.

- These restaurants serve food that is inedible. Essentially, they are the restaurant world version of the NBA J.J. Reddick, the education at the University of Maryland or Sinbad (why the hell did people decide he was funny?).

Brasserie Beck – An absolute shit-hole of a restaurant. It is very hard for me to find rabbit inedible but somehow this kitchen managed to do it. Plus, all the beer is Belgian: disgusting.

0 Cutting Boards - These restaurants serve shit and are the equivalent of watching movies starring Lindsay Lohan (Freaky Friday notwithstanding) or listening to music by Heidi Montag.

2 Amy’s – Screaming children and inedible pizzas soaked through with olive-oil. It is my least favorite restaurant in Washington, D.C.

Russian Monger Promoted!

In response to the Monger's impending move to Texas, the Russian Monger was recently named Chief East Coast Monger of Foodandbeermonger. His previous work has seen him circle the globe in search of great food and beer, and he was most recently a West Coast Contributing Monger. His recent move back to Washington, D.C., puts him in the ideal position to lead the Monger's East Coast operations.

He will now be in charge of all food and beer content originating from the East Coast and specifically from Washington, D.C. He is thrilled with the new position, "This is an amazing day. My palate conditioning has given me the area's best taste buds. No blogger in the world has a better title."

The other East Coast Monger, Simplemonger, was distraught with jealousy over the decision. "It's like when Jerry Krause pushed out Jordan. You've made a mistake."

Congratulations can be sent to russianmonger@gmail.com.

Ray's Butcher Burgers (aka Ray's Hell Burger)

As someone wrote the other day, it is Michael Landrum’s world and we are just lucky to eat in it. Not only does he own the area’s best steakhouse by far Ray’s the Steaks but he has just opened what is certain to be the area’s premiere destination for hamburgers (Sorry Spike), Ray’s Butcher Burgers (with the self proclaimed street name of Ray's Hell Burger). The burger shack located in the same strip mall as Ray’s the Steaks opened on Tuesday, and the Simplemonger and I went to check it out.

The following is Simplemonger's take: "Typically, I don't like when people give themselves nicknames. Nicknames have to be earned and bequeathed by a higher power (such as myself). So when Ray's new burger place claimed their street name is "Hell Burgers," I had to roll my eyes at the arrogance. All that being said, I've turned a corner. They've earned the arrogance. The new burger place is the King James of DC hamburgers."

Walking in there is a distinct resemblance to its sister restaurant a few doors down. Walking up to the counter the first thing we noticed was Michael Landrum in the open kitchen butchering meat. They use the same dry-aged, prime beef from Ray’s the Steaks and ground it up in-house multiple times throughout the day.

The restaurant serves one thing: a ten ounce prime beef patty done three ways. It can be regular, blackened or Diablo style (spicy chipotle). Numerous toppings are free and applewood-smoked bacon and guacamole cost extra. The cheese selection is also impressive: American, Swiss, cheddar, blue, brie, smoked mozzarella, Muenster and Gruyere. They also offer a changing selection of artisanal cheeses.

The Simplemonger opted for a blackened burger with blue cheese, bacon, lettuce and tomato. I decided to go with the Diablo with Gruyere, lettuce, tomato and bacon. I had it cooked to the recommended temperature so that it had a warm, red center. The burgers came out with buttery corn on the cob and a slice of watermelon.

These are serious burgers for serious people and burst with natural flavor. The Diablo was tender and juicy and the chipotle marinade gave it a delicious southwestern fire. The blackened burger had a wonderful kick and the sharp, robust and tangy blue cheese set everything off. The corn on the cob was nice and buttery and the watermelon was a welcome, healthy dessert. Furthermore, given the recent research on watermelon, the choice to serve this as a side is even more gratifying(http://apnews.myway.com/article/20080703/D91MBPC01.html).

The only criticism of the food is that I would prefer the corn to be grilled instead of boiled, but the burgers are absolutely excellent.

As good as the food was, the best part of opening night was that everything was free. When they do start charging, the $7 burger is going to be a steal.

Ray’s Hell Burger
1713 Wilson Blvd.
Arlington, VA 22209